2001

T-6 days: Went to the doctor, and my body was working on getting the baby out, but slowly. Luckily I had only light cramping.

T-3 days: My due date. I was progressing, but not quickly enough to call it "labor." Doctor said if nothing happened naturally, I would be induced in 3-4 days.

T-6 hours: Three days after my due date, it was Tristan's second birthday; the day my family was hoping baby would arrive. I received a call from the hospital informing me to head in to be induced.

T-5 hours: Doctor broke my water, which encouraged contractions to start. Labor progressed very quickly after that.

I spent two hours pushing out baby, and she caused a lot of damage on her way out. When she emerged we saw that her hand was in a fist beside her head, which was the cause of all the pain and hemorrhaging. We think she was trying to suck her thumb! Her arm was subsequently bruised quite badly, and she had a dent in her head that didn't correct itself for one year.

Baby Montana made it out on her uncle's birthday with 90 minutes to spare. She was a chunky little doll, much bigger than any of us expected because of my small frame. She was 8 and a half pounds!

2009

My darling little angel is eight years old now. We had a wonderful couple of days to celebrate; we always hold a family dinner for our household, and a second party for friends. I spent nine hours--nine hours!--making cakes with a couple of friends, fondant and all. The cakes turned out quite nicely for my first try, and Montana did the bulk of Tristan's cake. I was so proud!

For the big party we had an animal shelter from our area come to the house with some critters. It was quite amazing, well worth the money. Montana and Tristan each had a turn holding a boa constrictor around their shoulders like a scarf!

We had a great turnout, and all the kids had a marvelous time. I could not be happier, aside from the fact that my "baby" is so grown up!

Happy birthday to Montana and Tristan!

Chanson cette Semaine

American Idol runner up Adam Lambert is releasing his debut album For Your Entertainment (very witty I must say) on November 23. I am very excited! I am a humongoloid fan of Adam's, and was devastated-though not surprised-when he lost Idol. Montana and I went to the Top 10 concert, and Adam blew us away.

He has a song on the 2012 soundtrack, and I just saw the video for the first time. Here you go, for your entertainment: Time For a Miracle.

Le Fait de se Souvenir Jessie

When I was ten years old, we lived with my mom's cousin Holly so the two of them could start a catering company together. Holly had a little girl named Jessica, who celebrated her fourth birthday while we all lived together. She was a sweetheart, a real cute little girl, and I loved her dearly. Of course we fought, but I thought of her as a little sister. The thing that stands out most about her to me is that her two favorite movies were The Wizard of Oz, and The Little Mermaid. I watched Ariel with her until I was sick of it. I was sad when we moved away, but I now cherish the short time we lived together.

October 19, 1996

Holly and Jessica lived in a northern town, and had traveled even further north to do some Christmas shopping. On the way home, there was a storm, and Holly veered into the oncoming lane. She hit a semi truck, and Jessica was killed instantly. She was only eight years old, the age my own daughter will be turning in mere days. Holly survived, but has been in a coma for 13 years now, and may have brain damage to the point of vegetation.

Typing this out is very painful to me, but every year I tell the story to someone, anyone, to help me remember them, or grieve, or both.

I was only 14 at the time, and it was extremely difficult to comprehend, and accept. I was in a state of shock for quite a while, not really believing it. I remember very clearly the day we found out, however, and I doubt it will leave my memory any time soon. Unfortunately I was not invited to the memorial, for whatever reason, which is also a sore spot, but if you read my previous blog, it isn't all that surprising that my own family kept me out. It is not important anymore, though. I will never forgot little Jessie, I mourn her every day.

She would be 21 today, an adult. Possibly in school, or with a family of her own. It is extremely unfair that she was taken so very young, so innocent.

This may be why seeing my daughter turn eight is difficult for me. Picturing my baby cousin at the same age, and knowing that she would never graduate third grade, scares me.

I will miss Jessica every day for the rest of my life, there will always be a special place in my heart just for her. My little brother Tristan will always honor her with his middle name Jesse.

Here are some selected lyrics from baby Jessica's favorite movie, which are wonderfully appropriate:

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love to explore that world up above?
Wish I could be part of that world

And here is the song I was listening to the moment I found out what had happened, and brings me to tears every time I hear it: So They Say by The Soul Attorneys

Problèmes de Famille

I spoke too soon. Being thankful for my family needs to be rethought, or readdressed, or both. Today was dinner at the aunt's house, and I wish I'd stayed home instead.

Every year we go to my mom's sister's house, usually for Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a couple other occasions in between. The last couple years we've started to have our own dinners, and sometimes skip the visit to the relatives. That is what I wanted to do this Thanksgiving, but due to the recent death of my aunt's best friend KJ, my mom wanted to be with her sister. Understandable, but even so, I would have gladly chosen my bed over a family dinner. I am fighting a vicious head cold, which may be a sinus infection, and it is wiping me out.

Another reason I wanted to stay home was the way my grandmother treats the kids on my side of the family. She does not like Tristan, and nephew Little Kub doesn't exist in her mind. Montana is somewhat tolerable, as long as she doesn't do anything or say anything. My cousin J has two children now, aged 3 and 2, and in my grandmother's eyes, they are God's little angels. Nevermind the fact that they are toddlers and get into trouble--these little stories are cute as far as she is concerned.

I clean my grandmother's house a couple times a month, and I have to hear all about those kids, all the while she pretends Tristan and Kub don't exist. I bite my tongue and bear it because she is almost 80 and I have had a fairly good relationship with her. I accepted long ago that this is how it will always be.

Today, however, she went too far. After dinner we were sitting in the living room at my aunt's house watching the kids play. The three year old brought out a beach ball, and Kub was playing with it. Tristan came and wanted to play with him, so he was kicking the ball to 16 month old Kub, who was laughing hysterically as he always does when the kids play with him. Apparently this was so offensive to my grandmother that she jumped out of her chair and took the ball away, and started yelling at Tristan. My mom and I were dumbfounded, though not surprised. I spoke up and started defending my little brother, and told her she could at least pretend to like the boy for one day out of the year. For this I was called an "asshole" by my own grandmother. I was then shoved by my cousin and told to "take it outside," despite trying to explain what was happening.

Needless to say, we are no longer going to any family functions. I also will not be cleaning her house anymore. I need to make a stand that this behavior is not acceptable, no matter what her age is. Tristan has to come first, in spite of the fallout.

Tomorrow we will be holding our own Thanksgiving meal, the way it should be: Just our little family of six. Hopefully it will erase all the horrible memories of tonight.

Le Jour de l'Action de Grâce

It is that time of year--time to give thanks. Not sure who we are giving the thanks to, but I would like to say I am thankful for my family and friends. A bit predictable perhaps, but it is really the only bright spot in my life year after year. If it weren't for my wonderful Little Montana, I wouldn't be here! So I owe her a wonderful day of happiness at the very least! I hope everyone has a great day celebrating with their respective families and/or friends!

Amitiés Internet

I have been part of a message board community for the better part of six years now, participating in more than a dozen parenting boards. Over the years I have made several friendships with women all over the world. This past weekend I had the opportunity to meet one such friend, who happens to live just 90 minutes away by car. She and I have been "chatting" online for almost two years, and have become quite close, so this was quite an exciting weekend for me!

I packed up Little M, my doggy, and my Bud Light, and off we went. Our kids got along great despite the range in ages, and of course the doggy was quite popular with everyone except DM's rowdy kitty, who made it quite clear that Pom Pom would not be taking over his kingdom!

DM and I spent the night getting to know each other without computers between us; we talked about our kids, watched Montana play a bit of Wii for the first time--she's a natural!--and of course, discussed the infamous message board to which we owe our friendship in the first place.

The next day Little M and I hung out with the family, and even went bowling. We didn't head home until suppertime, and I was sad to say goodbye. I know DM and I will get together again soon, though, and I cannot wait!

Chanson de la Semaine

Not sure if it has technically been a week since I last posted a song, but this one just came out and I am in love with it! It is Alicia Key's new song, and the first time they played it on the radio I liked it. That is a rarity for me! It is very pretty, and flows so nicely. If you are an Alicia fan, I'm sure you'll agree!

Here is the youtube link, again, no official video yet so it is just the song: Doesn't Mean Anything

Cher Propriétaire

To my landlord:

I am moving. I am moving in 3 weeks, and no I am not paying for this month. I live in a hole of a home and pay more than its worth.

I am sick of the disrespect. I am sick of the rats. I am sick of the maggots. I am sick of being cold because you want to save money.

We have had more than enough fights between us.

Yes, sometimes my rent is late. No, I don't have sympathy for you and your mortgage. You live in a massive family home with three suites that you rent out to poor white folk like my family. If you can't afford to keep the suites paid for when they're empty, you really shouldn't have bought a house beyond your means. I have a hard time scraping together enough money to keep a roof over my head, and my daughter's head, but I don't get to rely on someone else for rent. Imagine how degrading it is to explain to someone like you why I cannot afford the dinky little room I have down here while you have an excess of space upstairs.

You will find more suckers to live in this little box, I have no doubt. You will continue to ignore the mold that is making my little brother sick. The rats will keep coming back and will attract disgusting bugs, and you'll ignore it because it doesn't affect you.

I have found a nicer, more understanding landlord. The rent is about the same, and I'll have more room. My dog and child won't have to hide underground; they can play outside in our very own yard--with grass no less!

I hope you have a wonderful life in your brand new monster house. I hope I never see you again.

Sincerely,

your tenant.

Chanson de la Semaine

I am loving this new song by Hedley. For those who are unfamiliar with the band, it is fronted by Jacob Hoggard, someone from my neck of the woods. The song is a dig at all the reality shows on television, including the Idols (which is the funniest part of the whole song since Canadian Idol is where Jacob got his start.) I enjoy the witticism, and the truthfulness of the lyrics. There is no video yet, so the link below will take you to the youtube video of the song with lyrics.

Cha-Ching by Hedley