Je Ne Sais Pas

Life. I don't even know what to say about it. I have tried to think of a fitting poem or quote, or even just describe what life has been like for me lately, but nothing seems to work. So I will just say it and get on with tonight's entry. Life.

For ten days my little nephew Kub stayed under my roof. Ten days our household provided care, love, food, shelter. We taught him many words; he learned to count. He went from crawling and lifting his feet when prompted to stand, to being confident enough holding just one hand and walking around the house, to the car, up the stairs. Montana had a blast helping with his day to day needs; she was my partner at bedtime.

In those ten days, Kub's mama came to see him but once for a rushed 3 hour visit. She attempted to put him to bed, and failed because her current love interest was sitting outside waiting for her. His father was no better, making promises he couldn't keep.

Both parents are required to better themselves so they can properly care for their toddler, but so far I have little hope. I have even less hope in our system; Kub went home today. Apparently the home is safe enough after just one week for him to be left with Ink. She will be closely monitored every day, and Kub is to come stay with us one night a week.

Today was a really emotional day. All the stress of the past week has built up, and taking him home was heartbreaking, and frustrating. I dealt with it appropriately for everyone's sake, and fooled myself into being okay with it until I folded his little T-shirt which smelled just like my baby nephew.

I miss him. I worry about him. And I need to let it go--I am helpless. All I can do is hope that Ink will prove me wrong and give Kub the love he needs and deserves.

Une Autre Mort

It seems that my blog of late has been very depressing. I do not intend for this to happen, and tonight is no different.

Last night a school friend was killed in a car accident. Robert was my age, and we met in seventh grade. He was a really nice guy, I remember so clearly one time I was hurt (bugger knocked me down while we played soccer), and he was so concerned. He helped me up and made sure I was okay. Not quite like the other 12 year old boys in the class, who undoubtedly would have laughed at the new girl on her butt!

Robert was always a nice guy, he seemed to get along with everyone. I hadn't seen him since school, but we kept in touch on Facebook.

Last night Robert's friend was driving down a busy road in my town, one I use every day and is prone to frequent flooding, when the car hydroplaned into an oncoming semi truck. Robert wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and was thrown from the vehicle. He died shortly after.

I was watching the facts being written on his Facebook wall last night, comment after horrifying comment, and it was a complete shock. Why didn't he wear his seatbelt? I don't understand why people continue to be so careless. It angers me, but that won't do any good. He is dead.

I am scared to use that road now. If there is a heavy rainfall, I think I will use an alternate route to work. I am going to visit the site in a couple days, however, to see if there has been a memorial set up where I can leave flowers.

So sad to say goodbye..

RIP Robert
1982~2010

Quel désordre!

Lately, I have been dealing with a lot of stress and worry. A family close to me is falling apart, and I am about to make it worse. My older brother DW is also dealing with a lot of stress and worry. The difference is, it is his family that is falling apart.

I cannot recall if I have blogged about his family issues or personal issues, so I will give a brief summary: Last summer, DW and his girlfriend at the time, we'll call her Slutface--no, that isn't professional. How about Ink? Yes, Ink. Okay, so DW and Ink got into a domestic dispute, due to her recent relapse into addiction. Police were involved, and DW was taken away. After that, he stayed with my mother (and me, later). The couple officially broke up, and DW started taking his son several times a month. We had many problems, but we put up with them to help my brother better his situation. During this time, we saw Ink spiral steadily downward into an abyss of drugs, partying, and illness. We tried to convince DW that he should report her behavior for the sake of my nephew, Little Kub, but he was still blinded by his feelings for her and did nothing.

Last week DW entered a place where he could get help for his issues. He is very happy now, and I believe this is a fresh start for him.

Yesterday we found out that Ink was reported by someone else for her disgusting housecleaning (or lack thereof) habits. Upon hearing this, DW was hopeful that something would be done. I will be helping the cause, for Kub's sake. I only want what is best for him, whatever the consequences.

Little Kub is coming to spend the night with us this weekend, so we will see what kind of condition he is in, and go from there. I really hope this little boy will have a happy ending.