Le Fait de se Souvenir Jessie

When I was ten years old, we lived with my mom's cousin Holly so the two of them could start a catering company together. Holly had a little girl named Jessica, who celebrated her fourth birthday while we all lived together. She was a sweetheart, a real cute little girl, and I loved her dearly. Of course we fought, but I thought of her as a little sister. The thing that stands out most about her to me is that her two favorite movies were The Wizard of Oz, and The Little Mermaid. I watched Ariel with her until I was sick of it. I was sad when we moved away, but I now cherish the short time we lived together.

October 19, 1996

Holly and Jessica lived in a northern town, and had traveled even further north to do some Christmas shopping. On the way home, there was a storm, and Holly veered into the oncoming lane. She hit a semi truck, and Jessica was killed instantly. She was only eight years old, the age my own daughter will be turning in mere days. Holly survived, but has been in a coma for 13 years now, and may have brain damage to the point of vegetation.

Typing this out is very painful to me, but every year I tell the story to someone, anyone, to help me remember them, or grieve, or both.

I was only 14 at the time, and it was extremely difficult to comprehend, and accept. I was in a state of shock for quite a while, not really believing it. I remember very clearly the day we found out, however, and I doubt it will leave my memory any time soon. Unfortunately I was not invited to the memorial, for whatever reason, which is also a sore spot, but if you read my previous blog, it isn't all that surprising that my own family kept me out. It is not important anymore, though. I will never forgot little Jessie, I mourn her every day.

She would be 21 today, an adult. Possibly in school, or with a family of her own. It is extremely unfair that she was taken so very young, so innocent.

This may be why seeing my daughter turn eight is difficult for me. Picturing my baby cousin at the same age, and knowing that she would never graduate third grade, scares me.

I will miss Jessica every day for the rest of my life, there will always be a special place in my heart just for her. My little brother Tristan will always honor her with his middle name Jesse.

Here are some selected lyrics from baby Jessica's favorite movie, which are wonderfully appropriate:

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love to explore that world up above?
Wish I could be part of that world

And here is the song I was listening to the moment I found out what had happened, and brings me to tears every time I hear it: So They Say by The Soul Attorneys