January 2001:
- I was in a deep depression
- I had a part time dead end job that I enjoyed
- I wanted a baby
- I fought a never-ending war against lice
- I shared a home with my mother and baby brother
- I deal with depression, trying to keep it under control with medication
- I have a part time dead end job that I love
- I so very desperately want a baby beyond anything I've ever experienced
- I recently had to deal with lice for the first time in years
- I share a home with my mother and little brother
It amazes me that so little has changed in such a long period of time. What if everything is the same ten years from now? Will I be a 38 year old woman living with her mother and adult brother and daughter? Will I be making little to no money at a pointless job? Will I be single and depressed? I hope not. Ten years from now I would like to be at the very least on the road to becoming a nurse, happy where I live and work, with two healthy, happy children, and maybe a date here and there. I am determined to make this happen, but I thought I was determined ten years ago. I never imagined I would still be a single mother to Montana this close to 10 years old, with no other children.
I am increasingly grateful for Montana--not to say that I haven't been grateful, I am just realizing that I may not be as lucky in the future. How I got so lucky with that girl is beyond me, and it seems that it was just meant to be. I hope lightning will strike me twice.
I am having a hard time believing I conceived a decade ago--where has the time gone? I would like nothing more than to do it all over again and give Montana a sibling. I am hoping against hope that my dream will come true.
In other news, Rose found out that she is having a girl!! She is beyond ecstatic and I am too; she has wanted a girl for so long. I can't wait to see her hold her own daughter, what a crazy thought!
Happy new year everyone! Hope it's a good one.
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