September 10, 2001
Such a glorious day! I was eight months pregnant with my baby girl (gender unknown at the time), and this was the day I went crib shopping. I was so excited! It meant the child was real, that I would soon be a mother. I was overjoyed. My mom and I went and looked at all the beautiful cribs, and I chose a pretty white one. I envisioned it made with a crisp new sheet and covered with stuffed animals. For weeks after I set it up I would stare lovingly at it, counting down the days until it would hold my little bundle. For one day, the drama in my life was put on hold; everything was right in my world.
September 11, 2001
Merely 24 hours after my wonderful dream-like day the world came crashing down--or so it felt, to me anyway.
My pregnant routine started at 10 in the morning, every weekday, when I would drag my tired body out of bed and watch The Price is Right. I relied on that show to begin my day, so much so that Tristan--then less than two years old--wanted to name the baby after the show! I slept with my radio playing, and this particular morning I remember wondering hazily why there was no music, only talking. At 11:00 my mother came in to tell me that my favorite show was pre-empted. I was quite angry--got to love the pregnancy hormones! She explained that the World Trade Center had been hit, but this meant nothing to me. I didn't understand the severity of it; I wasn't familiar with the towers.
Once I was up and lucid, I saw the horrors on television--every channel was showing the same terrifying images. I couldn't believe my eyes, it seemed like a terrible nightmare. I think I was in shock the entire day, replaying it over and over. Seeing those people jump from 100 + stories sickened me, and to this day it breaks my heart to think about.
My enthusiasm plummeted on 9/11. I suddenly felt guilty! I knew it was unwarranted, but it was out of my control. How could I have been so excited about something as trivial as a baby crib when people were dying? When a potential war was in the works? Not only was I fretting over my selfish glee, but I had new worries: How could I bring an innocent baby into a warring world?
Pregnancy in itself can be quite unsettling. As new mothers we all have concerns and second thoughts. I felt overwhelmed: I was a 19-year-old pregnant single teen, and had recently moved from one province to another. I had no money, no job prospects, and no furniture! September and October became quite stressful for me with this new fear.
I did gradually let go of the fear and focus on my new blessing, set up the crib, and enjoyed her first cries. She reminded me that there is good in this world, and I am grateful that she came into my life at that time.
That crib became a memento for me, something that I will always connect to 9/11. It represents happiness and hope.
I cannot believe it has been eight years since that frightful day. Although the world is not as scary as I predicted at the time, I will forever remember those innocent New Yorkers that experienced a case of Wrong Place, Wrong Time.
RIP
9/11
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