Regrets

Why is it that regrets come as soon as it is too late to do anything about them? Essentially this is the definition of regret, but there are some things I could fix if I so chose. However, when someone dies, along with grief comes anguish and ruefulness, neither of which can be easily placated.

When my dad died, I instantly wished I could turn back the clock and spend more time with him, even just one last visit. You would think that would have taught me something about life.

Today when I was driving home from work, it hit me like a ton of bricks that Ken is gone, and I realized I didn't tell him in all my adult life that I was grateful for his generosity. I hope that he knew how much I appreciated it, but I will never know for sure.

I don't know what I would do given another chance. I didn't have contact with Ken after I stopped talking to his stepdaughter, so likely I wouldn't pick up the phone or drop in unexpectedly. I would have sent a card I think, but what could I say?

His funeral is in 2 days, and it is being held in the funeral home where I last saw my father. I don't know if I'll ever be able to bring myself to go back to that place, and on top of that is the fact that I don't feel comfortable with the people who are going.

I have decided to send flowers in my stead, and I will send a brief note in the card. Of course, he won't know if I'm there or not, and his eyes will never rest on the words I write, but I'm hoping it will ease the grief I feel, knowing I gave myself a chance to say goodbye, and more importantly, thank you.

Je suis si triste

When I was growing up, there were good times and there were bad times. During the bad times, there were good people and bad people. Sometimes it seemed out of balance, and the bad times and bad people surrounded me like fire. I love my family, and my parents, but it wasn't easy for them to care for me or my brother all the time. I had this friend when I was a kid, she took care of me a lot--she was a few years older than me, so she was like a big sister. I loved her. She lived with us for a while, and then I lived with her and her parents for a while. It was the most difficult year of my life--that was the year my dad died and my mom couldn't take care of me because she had her own issues (something I have long forgiven her for but is still a part of my childhood.)

When I was sixteen my friend's parents took me in, after much discussion. Her stepfather, Ken, was a bit of a jerk, but he opened his home to me, and took care of me for a year. He tried to be tough on me, but he always cut me slack, and helped me out with bus passes and anything else I needed. I remember one time we went to a 50's style restaurant, and there were car T-shirts on the wall. My favorite car was (and still is) the Camaro, and I really wanted the shirt, but I had no money. He would never buy such frivolous junk, it is a waste of money don't you know! But that man bought me the shirt, made me promise to pay him back, and then never accepted a dollar for it. I still have that T-shirt 11 years later.

When I moved back in with my mother, he was not happy. He didn't think it was a good idea, and I wasn't so sure myself. It has been more than a decade, and everything between my mother and me is wonderful--it took time, but it all worked out.

A few years ago Ken was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and was given a year to live. He got sicker and sicker, to the point where he didn't recognize his family, but he kept going. I felt awful and wanted to go see him, but it had been years, and I am no longer friends with his stepdaughter (very long story), so I felt too awkward.

I just found out that Ken died earlier today. Even though his death was very much expected, it still came as a shock and I couldn't breathe. I didn't get to say goodbye, and I can't bring myself to go to the funeral.

I have a very special place in my heart for Ken, he was my temporary father, and I will always be grateful to him for taking me in, always. I am glad he is no longer suffering.

RIP Ken
1954~2010

Révisions deFilm

Insanitarium

This freaky ass movie stars Jesse Metcalfe, hotty gardener boy from Desperate Housewives. He plays a man who infiltrates a mental institution to find his sister. Once inside, he discovers that the doctors and nurses are doing strange experiments on the patients. This is what it said in the "info" on my TV listings. I thought--"Great, a scary movie!" Um, no. It says more on the internet database. Quote: "The siblings discover that a doctor is using his patients like lab rats, forcing them to take a drug that turns them into flesh-eating psychopaths." Yeah that's a little different. I will let you use your imagination rather than describe this movie. But I do not recommend it. I rate it 1 bloody arm out of 5 body parts.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I think this movie is self explanatory. Zack, played by Seth Rogen, and Miri, played by Elizabeth Banks, are broke and lose their power, water, and almost their apartment. After talking to an extremely homosexual Justin Long (big fan of his!) about making pornos for money, Zack thinks about trying it out. The movie is funny, but a bit too predictable and they spent too much time on the love story. But still worth seeing. I rate it 3.5 erections out of 5.

The Ugly Truth

Now THIS movie I can't say enough about. It stars Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler (falling in love with this actor) as a producer and a TV star who can't stand each other. Gerard hosts a TV show called The Ugly Truth which he uses as a platform to demean women and "teach" them how to get men. He uses his "knowledge" to help Katherine get the man of her dreams. Predictably they fall in love with each other instead. There are definitely moments in the movie that you can see coming, but the way they wrote it makes it so worth the predictability. I won't give anything away, but I think everyone should see this movie, it's definitely my favorite so far this year! I give it 4.5 smug assholes out of 5.

Quel Week-End!

Oh my. This weekend was tres magnifique! It was packed full from the time I left work Friday until I put Montana to bed tonight. Sooooooo.... let's start at Friday!

Friday

Montana had a play date right after school with her little friend May. The girls had been bugging me for quite some time, but because I have been busy taking care of Little Kub, working, and being ill, I haven't been up for it. I brought May home with us, and Montana was over the moon! They behaved much better than I expected; the two are absolutely wild together on a regular basis, but somehow managed to tame it while playing here. Hopefully they will have more play dates in the future! Unfortunately because of the play date I missed the registration for figure skating, which means Montana will not be starting until the summer. I suppose it won't be too bad, though--it will be a nice break from the heat!

After I dropped May off at home, we settled in for the hockey game: Canada vs. Slovakia. This game would decide who would play for Gold/Silver, and who would play for Bronze. It was very exciting, Slovakia put up a great fight, but in the end, Canada prevailed! This meant that Slovakia would play against Finland for Bronze, and Canada would move on to the Gold medal game.

After the game it was time for the most exciting part of my night: Marianas Trench. They put on a free show in my city to celebrate the Olympics, along with Blue Rodeo and 54-40. I love Marianas Trench (did I post some videos last week?) and I especially love lead singer Josh. *sigh* He is incredibly entertaining, and put on an amazing show. Way to represent Vancouver! Fantastic end to a fantastic Friday.

Saturday

I had big plans for Saturday. The family was going to go back to the park-- H Park was set up as a celebration site for the Olympics. It included stages, a beer garden, food stands, ice rink, and a toboggan hill. On the nights of the torch relay and opening ceremonies the park put on fireworks, visible from my living room window. Very cool. So anywho, we were going to check it all out one last time, buy shirts, try curling, basically fit in as much as possible before they pack it all up after the weekend. Unfortunately laziness took over and along with the rainy weather we decided to postpone it until Sunday.

Last week I met DM for a drink while she was in town with her friend CL, and then I was invited to CL's home for this weekend. I was thrilled! I love meeting new people. So Montana and I packed up and drove the hour to her house, where we met her little girl, her family, and a friend of hers. We had a great time playing cards and drinking, while Montana competed with DM for SingStar status (and even won a few!). I am so glad we got together this weekend. However, while I was there, my mom sent me a message to tell me Tristan's pesky little kitten tripped her and she either sprained or broke her toe. I felt horrible!

Sunday

Montana and I were up nice and early this morning despite our shared bedtime of 2:30 A.M. (that girl can party with the best of us!) and headed back into town to watch the Gold medal hockey game with my mom. Canada took on the USA in this much awaited match, and oh boy did they give our boys a run for their money! Much like sibling rivalry, this aptly named "Border Battle" kept us on the edges of our seats for the first two periods. When the second intermission started we rushed around to get ready, and headed to the park to watch the final period on the big screens, which wasn't all that rushed due to my mom's hobbled attempt at walking. Being with all the fans in the park was so exciting, yelling and cheering in unison. I would have loved to have been at the game, but this was the next best thing. When Roberto Luongo let that second American goal in the last 24 seconds before the final buzzer, we all let out a collective sigh. Quite the scare, that. So.. off to overtime we went. Luckily the fear was shortlived--don't think my heart could take anymore--and Canada won the Gold! I cannot describe the elation I felt, and I believe I can speak for all the viewers when I say that. Way to go Canada! Finland beat out Slovakia for the Bronze medal, so congratulations to them as well.

Once the commotion died down a little, we took the kids to do the toboggan hill and try curling. They had a great time, and we got some cute pictures, along with a new Olympic shirt for Montana and a Canada flag for Tristan, which brought many happy honks on our walk home.

We also had a Sweet Sixteen to go to tonight. I remember when the guest of honor was born, and walking to the hospital to see her. To know she is old enough to drive now, and soon will be finished high school, makes me feel old! It also reminds me that my baby is halfway to being sweet sixteen, and that I am not ready for. While we were at the party, the birthday girl's extended family showed up, which I knew was a possibility. I have a history with that part of her family, and due to some extreme psychotic behavior, I cut this particular person out of my life, and I have been much better for it. MUCH. This was the first time she and I were in the same building together in almost four years, so it was a little awkward. We did manage to avoid each other quite well however, even while our daughters were playing together. I'm glad that is over with, and hope I don't have to see her again!

Whew.. I think I have caught everyone up on my festivities! Now it's back to Monday blahs, wish me luck so I don't fall asleep at work!