...since my hormonal baby fever induced meltdown. My eyes are dry, and my uterus is empty. I feel calmer and more level in my head, but the desire hasn't waned. I have had irrational thoughts this week, thoughts that include future added responsibilities to my single parenthood, which is absolutely fine with me as this has always been my plan when it comes to subsequent children. Call me Crazy, but after the nightmare of my last pregnancy, I prefer doing it on my own. However, I am not so irresponsible as to purposely create a new life in my current financial situation. Also, I know there are things that can come with doing so with someone unfamiliar.
That being said, visions of morning sickness, doctor visits, and even labor, are occupying my every thought. This confuses me, as my previous experience with such was less than fun.
Not only that, but I also found out a couple years ago that due to my wonderfully bipolar-like hormones, I may not be able to have more children. It was because of this information, and recent body changes, that I saw symptoms where apparently there were none.
And, as my dear friend reminded me, I have a healthy, awesome child. I always told myself that would be enough, and I could channel all my sadness into making her life wonderful. Sometimes it works, because it has to. But I can't be strong all the time, I'm still a woman.
I'm hoping life will go back to business as usual, and I can once again be okay with having no more babies (or pretend to). You would think after so long it would be part of me, but life is full of little surprises. Thanks again, Life.
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