Horloge biologique

Just when I started to enjoy my day to day life (by that I mean the living, not the icky finances) I fall into another ditch.

Over the weekend, which was fantastic by the way! I played with a wee chubber of a baby, one of the happiest tots in the history of ever. Unfortunately I got too close to him, and he sneezed his little germs on me, and I caught baby fever. I am usually immune to this particular illness, but I suppose I may have weak spots.

Add to that the fact that Mother Nature is giving me the runaround on my friendly visitor, and sprinkling various symptoms on me, my brain shifted into overdrive. I decided to put the poor thing at ease, and sought out the answer, which as you may have guessed, is not the answer I was seeking.

Overall, in the real world, this is a good thing. I know this. The responsible (read: poor) adult in me has already made the decision to be a one-offspring woman, what with the offspring being almost my height, and trying to make a success of my life by going to school, not to mention the fact that I have a hard enough time providing for myself and the child I already have.

However, the selfish child in me is wanting to run out and grab the first fertile man I can get my needy little hands on.

I feel like my heart is breaking, and it is spilling into other aspects of my life, making me feel like an overall failure.

What is wrong with me? Why is it that a week ago I had a handle on my future, and today I'm a sad, empty uterus of a woman? Is it just my biological clock kicking into panic mode now that I am one year closer to thirty? I've had it under control for so, since I made the decision that I should not plan another child. All of a sudden, it is what I want more than anything, and I'm even convincing myself I can work school and work around pregnancy and maternity leave.

I think I need a lobotomy.