Juillet

I have been avoiding writing like the plague. So much has happened since my last entry, and I have been in self-induced denial for so long, I didn't want to come here and write out the truth. I will try to keep everything short to avoid boredom.

My last entry was written when I was in a very dark place. I was confused, and my heart was as broken as it could be. Or so I thought. A couple days after I blogged, John came online and took what was left of my heart, and put it in a garbage disposal. I don't believe I have ever been hurt that badly at the hands of a man, and for it to be this man, it made my life a living Hell. He took my insecurities and threw them in my face. He made me hate myself so much I had to remove pictures of myself from MSN and Facebook so I wouldn't see my face.

The weekend that followed I went to my favorite cheer-me-up place: DM's house. She was such a sweetheart, and ironically took me to Hell--a tourist attraction not far from her. It was wonderful. We took the kids on a tram ride down a mountain, had lunch, and bought fudge. It didn't bring me all the way out of my funk, but it was a nice escape.

A couple weeks later, I went to a house party, in the best party house ever. My friends have completely set up their basement for parties; they have a home theater, with a detachable stripper pole, and an adjacent bar complete with keg taps and televisions. I love going to their parties, and the last one I went to was in February--I may have blogged about that one, I will need to check later. I met someone at the February party, we will call him BoyToy, and we flirted all night, but nothing happened. BoyToy was at this party, and, well, let's just say I felt lightyears better than I had been!

After the party, I gradually clawed my way out of the hole I'd been kicked into. We had our big birthday blowout in June, which was a success despite some minor setbacks. DM came for the night, and mom's best friend Blanche flew out here for that week. I had a fantastic time.

Sadly, amidst all the fun and heartbreak was more drama. Montana's school put on a talent show this year, and in my naive mind I had pictured a fun performance which would include any and all children who signed up. Unfortunately, the school treated it like American Idol, and only put through the best of the best. Montana came home in tears on two separate occasions, telling me she was told that she was "not good enough." Mama bear did not like this too much, and so I made an appointment with the principal, and also bitched about it on Facebook. I spoke with both the principal and the "judges" -- the librarian and a teacher, and worked it out. A few days later I received a call while at work from the police--it seems someone I am friends with decided that I was threatening the school and certain teachers, and took it upon herself (I am assuming it was a woman) to report me to the authorities, the school, and the school board (who, by the way, wanted me banned from school grounds.)

I cannot relate just how awful I felt; awful that someone went behind my back and reported me, and awful that someone thinks I would actually cause physical harm to someone at my child's school. I still have not found out who reported me, but I have a couple ideas.

This has also caused problems with my friends. Two of my closest friends were also reported for commenting and uttering "threats." It is breaking my group apart, which I am sure was the intent. Luckily it is now summer, so we all get a break from it, and hopefully things will resemble normalcy come fall.

Aside from all the gunk, we are enjoying summer!

• I got what I wanted for my birthday: MasterPiece Theater, the newest CD from Marianas Trench.
• I went camping for the first time in over a decade, which was the first time for both Montana and Pompom. It was amazing!
• Canada Day was as great as always; we went to the park to see fireworks and bands, and to go on rides.
• The kids got to go with their daycamp and see the Stanley Cup! We have a couple great pictures of each one standing beside the Cup and an NHL player.
  

We have been suffering financially, which is really stressful but not a new feeling for us. Due to this I have been thinking a lot, and I have decided that I would like to go back to school! I went when Montana was just two years old, and although I enjoyed it, I didn't do too well. I don't think I was quite ready emotionally, and having a toddler to take care of alone takes away from study time. It has been six years since then, Montana and I have both grown, and I am ready to try again. I am at the brainstorming stage still, I have much to consider and figure out. I went to an information session last week to help me, and I have ordered my high school transcript. The next steps will be to find out which classes I need to take, and find out if I qualify for financial aid. If all goes well, I could be in school part time by September, or January at the latest. The long term goal is to become a nurse in labor and delivery! It will take years, and excessive studying, but in the end, it will be worth it. Montana is very excited, and is my biggest supporter.

I believe that is the gist of my life the past 2 months, but you could expect more blogs in the near future, now that I have gotten everything off my chest!

Thanks for reading <3