Plus Calme

What a day.

After my last blog I had to go to a friend's party, it was her daughter's first birthday. That on its own is a celebration, but this baby has had to fight to survive that first year, so it was pretty special.

Many people came, including two women I'd deleted from Facebook and no longer talk to. One of them completely avoided us altogether, which is just fine by me. The other one was civil enough to talk to me, which made me feel a bit better, but she was also making plans with my good friends, and I can see that there is a bit of a gap in my friendships with them now.

With all these adults were babies. Babies, babies everywhere. It was a true test for me, and I think I failed. It was so hard to see all these little ones around, and I just wanted to go home. I didn't though, because I'm not a child. I held the birthday girl and played with her, and there was a sweet little boy there who I had giggling to the point of hiccups. It was great, but it still made me a bit sad.

An old school mom also flew in today, and was going to come to the party around suppertime, and Montana was excited because she used to be good friends with the woman's son. I wanted to stay, because she is only here for a week, but Tristan got sick and we had to leave. He had already spent the hour at the party whining because he was bored and wanted to leave. I was quite aggravated, because I knew as soon as we got home he would bounce back, and I am tired of revolving around his and our mother's schedules. It didn't matter to them that someone was flying in from out of town, because they wanted to leave, and I'm the driver. I was ready to point out the bus stop, but it was pouring, and I don't want to make Tristan get worse if he's sick.

I was feeling rather pissy when I got home, to add to the hormonal roller coaster I'm stuck on, and it wasn't a good combination. I just wanted to crawl in bed and have a good cry. But I stuck on my fake happy face, because Montana was upset at not seeing her friend, and I didn't want her to feel that way. I promised her we would set up a play date this week at the park if it's nice, or here at my house, and I also warned Tristan he would be sacrificing video game time after daycamp because he took this away from Montana today. That may seem childish, but I am at my rope's end with his attitude. He whines and complains when we go out of the house to do anything, and ruins it for everyone else. Even if he does get his way, which is often, he finds something else to complain about.

With all these raging emotions in me, I went online to my mommy message board, an Internet addiction for me. Not a good idea. That place is already a blackhole of bad energy, and I added to it. I honestly felt like I was on the brink of a complete meltdown; one that would land me in a straitjacket.

I really do not like having zero control on my emotions.

However, it is now nearing midnight, and I am feeling much better. Still completely depressed, but calmer. We rented Diary of a Wimpy Kid, which is based on the book of the same name. I gave Tristan the book for Christmas, and he was instantly hooked, and Montana enjoyed flipping through it too. The movie was quite cute, and my baby girl cuddled with me on the couch while we watched it, so I think her energy calmed me.

Now I am back online talking to good friends, flipping through cute pictures from the party, and having a cold one. Pretty soon I'll watch It's Complicated, which I've wanted to see for a while, and hopefully laughing my ass off. I just love Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin (let's pretend he's not a headcase shall we?) and I'm dying to hear Alec say "Oh em gee.."

So that is my night, better than the afternoon was. Bon Soir!